Acknowledging what you take for granted
Recently I flew across the world to see my family — finally! Two years and nine months it has been since I saw them. Thanks to the Covid pandemic I was stuck without being able to see them or them come see me. My family live in New Zealand which have some of the strictest laws going for all this Covid shit. In almost three years I have changed quite a lot, obviously. We are not even the same person we were last week, so upon seeing my family again and living with them I realised a few things.
There are three men staying in the house, without me, with me makes us four. My mum I’d say keeps her things tidy and neat if she can but with ‘typical’ men around, it becomes hard to do so for the entire household. This was the first thing I noticed in my first few days here — I used to make such a mess wherever I went. Taking things out of the cupboard, using it for a minute, leaving it there and carrying on with my day. I’d come back to that same spot later and the item I used was still there but this time in my way. I’d move it aside, take the next necessary thing out of the cupboard, use it, leave it there and walk out the room, on to the next task. This didn’t just happen in the kitchen but it happened everywhere from my bedroom to the bathroom to the living room.
I remember making a distinct change to this at the start of the pandemic when I was looking after my grandmother. I would do the cooking for both her and myself and in three days time, the dishes would have piled up. The clothes in my room would pile up on the floor in the corner and the bed would be unmade. I hated it. But this time in my life I didn’t have anyone to clean up after me so I had to do it myself. I very clearly remember taking glasses out to be used and after finishing my drink, I would just leave it on the counter. Walking out of the room I would stop, think about how I had made the promise to myself to clean up my act. I’d walk back, pick the glass up and put it in the sink or wash it straight away. Having to do this pained me. I hated it.
After doing this for a few weeks without too many slip ups of leaving things about, I started to see the benefits. I had more space and freedom. Before doing any activity, I did not need to pre-clean. It was already clean. I knew where everything was at all times as I always put stuff back where they belonged and knew when it was time to get more of whatever was running out. This structure slowly but surely spilled over into other parts of my life where I was very disorganised. The immediate one that comes to mind that I think most people can relate to is their computer. Having random files all over the desktop and images saved in the incorrect place was a nightmare that slowly solved itself as I became more aware of the mess. Today I use something and put them away again without even noticing — the power of habit.
My family’s house has shown me what I used to be like when I observe my dad and brother. Without my mum cleaning up after them, the house would be a complete mess. Everyday. Only now have I realised just how much my mum has to do every single day even after a full days work. I appreciate it more than words can explain. I took it for granted my entire life and only now have I come to see just how far I have come and how much my mum has done for me. And that is only what she has done in just this one aspect of my life. Now with extra time on my hands as I am on holiday, I will do some cleaning up here and there where my mum couldn’t get to and she’ll come home to a slightly more orderly home. She noticed it the first day and again the second but after the few weeks that I am here it will go unnoticed until I leave and the extra little areas that were tidy before will have gone back to their chaotic state of normality.
Only after I have left will she notice the change — as she too will start to take it for granted that she will come home every afternoon to a more clean home. Taking things for granted comes slowly. We notice things at first and will appreciate them for what they are. After a time though, it will become the new normal and we won’t show the same appreciation anymore. This happens to all of us. My parents cook dinner for the family everyday. I have now gotten used to not having to think for myself when it comes to food. We may have a little discussion on what to eat but other than that, it’s chilling on the couch for me. This is something I will notice on the very first day I go back home as no one will be there to ensure that I have a happy tummy.
I went to bed last night with these thoughts of taking things for granted. As much as a new normal is lovely regarding being fed, I don’t want to take it for granted. Each meal that I eat where I have had to put no effort into will be appreciated and enjoyed. For this next week, I will be mostly by myself when eating lunch — this will be done without watching something or distractions by any means. I recently met someone that does this and I found it fascinating. They just sit quietly and deeply enjoy their food — without taking it for granted and using it for pure fuel.
Life goes by quickly and we can only understand it backwards. It would be a shame to look over all the wonderful moments in life by taking them for granted.
